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| new xanga.
www.xanga.com/asweettart
go and visit.
thanks. :]
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i got a bouquet of flowers...
from the teacher who im volunteering for. haha
it was a nice thought, really.
and they smell great!
and funny thing was that the parents of the little kids thought that the really hot T.A who's young, gave it to me and they were all teasing me about it. lol
anyways, valentine's day is also known as "Happy single Awareness Day.".. lol
soo true.. its either you're taken on valentine's day,
or the holiday itself makes you sick coz everything around you tells you your alone. lmao. i love it. haha
well, its been a good week, sorta.
we're going down there again this weekend to look at the other _ _ _ _ _ _.
Its all ticking down.
before it was like 2 months.
now its a few weeks. well like maybe a month. but i doubt any longer than that.
Its CRAZY!.
its going to go by soo fast, that i wont even realize it,
and when the day comes, im not even gona be ready and wont even say my good-byes. :[
how sad. lol
well im preparing for it little by little, but its just soo weird coz yeah. haha
i just kinda wished that no one knew. but then again, i cant keep something like that from the people i love.
wow. its really happening.
5 weeks and counting.
someone take me away from all the preparation and take me out!! please!!.. lol
one last hurah before the hurahs are only once in a while. :[
:]
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it went from bad, to even worse. lol
so much for believing in what we had. lol
thank you.
and im done.
i think. haha
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"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning, and company doesn't always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts, and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden, and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, you really are strong, you really do have worth. And you learn...and you learn...with every goodbye, you learn."
I have no clue why my entries have been like all sorrowful or what-not. Its just crazy how everything turns out the way it does. It never turns out the way we imagine it would. In the end, theres always a change in the events and its just crazy. As much as we want to think that everything is ok after something bad happens, deep down in our hearts, everything is just shattered, along with our heart. We put up a front to please the people we love and to keep those people who really love us from not worrying so much. Because truth is, if they really do love us as much as we believe, they will be able to see past the fake smiles and laughs, and realize that we really are hurting. That we're in a bad place at the moment and just need someone to be there with us, we just need some comfort. Down the road, in the future, we'll someday realize that whatever sadness we've felt was just a test to see how strong we can be and to see who really cares enough to stick with us through those tough times. I just cant seem to get over that one certain thing that happened. As hard as i try, i cant seem to leave what we had in the past because i always thought that i could carry those memories with me in the future, with him by my side. Once i finally realize that im in a way beginning to get past all thats happened, something or someone just keeps pulling me back to those days when everything was good and swell, and that someone/something is just making me hold on to it and wont let me go. Maybe its trying to tell me something. Telling me that i shouldnt leave it all behind just yet, that there is still something to hold on to. But how can i honestly believe that if he's not even holding on to anything we had? or so i believe. He's moved on, or thats how it seems. I guess its that, that just keeps me so indecisive on the whole situation. I dont know, its just something that i have to let go of. I have to let go of everything. And i cant look back when im doing that. Because its when i look back that i just fall back to square one.
I dont know, its just too hard to understand or even get past. What are your inputs?.
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| This is from a book im reading right now and its awesome!. And this passage is very very true!
"Relationships always started with that heady, swoonish period, where the other person is like some new invention that suddenly solves all life's worst problems, like losing socks in the dryer or toasting bagels without burning the edges. At this phase, which usually lasts about 6 weeks max, the other person is perfect. but at 6 weeks and 2 days, the crakcs begin to show; not real structural damage yet, but little things that niggle and nag. Like the way they always assume you'll pay for your own movie, just because you did once, or how they use the dashboard of their car as an imaginary keyboard at long stoplights. Come week eight, though, the strain is starting to show. This person is, in fact, human, and here's where most relationships splinter and die. Because either you can stick around and deal with these problems, or ease out gracefully, knowing that at some point in the not-too-distant future, there will emerge another perfect person, who will fix everything, at least for six weeks."
This passage, i believe, is true. Well give and take the dashboard things and stuff. But from what i've seen, and gone through, this brings it all together. This explains it all. It completely defines what we call a "relationship." Six weeks, thats when you believe you'll be together forever and thats the only time when nothing can come between the two of you. But once six weeks pass, things begin to change and there are the good changes and bad ones. Its the "bad changes" that test your so called "love" and thats when you have to decide if your love is enough to keep you together.
And then if you're lucky, you get the speech.
Heres another excerpt from the book:
"The Speech usually came right as the heady, romantic, fun-new-boyfriend phase was boiling to full steam. It was my way of hitting the brakes, slowly downshifting, and usually involved me pulling whatever Ken was in my life at that time aside to say something like: hey, i really like you and we're having fun, but you know, i cant get too serious because im going to the beach/really going to focus on school come fall/ just getting over someone and not up to anything long-term. This was the summer speech: the winer/holiday one was pretty much the same, except you inserted im going skiing/ really going to have a rally until graduation/ dealing with a lot of family crap for the last part. And usually, guys took it one of two ways. If they really liked me, as in wear-my-class-ring-love-me-always, they bolted, which was just as well. If they liked me but were willing to slow down, to see boundaries, they nodded and saved face by saying they felt the same way. And then i was free to proceed to the next step...."
Most of us are lucky to get "a speech". Pssh, i would feel so much better if i got the speech. Because truth is, its the speech that can give us closure and accept whats happened. And without a speech, our minds run wild andmake us wonder about the future. Whether he'll come back in a few weeks, or whether he's moved on and just completely dissed you. Just because two people who are in a relationship stop talking because of a fight or an argument or whatever, thats not the universal sign of breaking up with someone. Sure, they dont return your calls, but thing is, without a speech, or any given reason, theres no closure. Yes, you both move on at one point or another, but you'll always be left wondering what if without having closure. The only thing that would please anyone in a situation like that, is to just have he truth told to them because they at least deserve that. They deserve to know the reasons why and they deserve to be able to put you out of their lives.
Theres more i would say, but i dont really know how tosay it. I guess thats all.
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